Worst Ever Hockey Cards #11

Worst Ever Hockey Cards #11

#316 - Patrick Roy (Chippy's Checklist)
97-98 Collector's Choice

Yeah, this card was more fun than a barrel full of monkeys until I used it as a dart board and then stuck it in my bicycle spokes. I don't understand why any company would encourage people to keep their cards in good shape. They should make it as hard as possible for people to keep their cards in mint condition so that those collectors who are really anal about their cards can at least be have something of value to show for their lack of a soul. Topps got it right with the scratch off names in their 80-81 set. Next year, I'd like to see a set that has a scratch and win on every card and gum back in packs of O-Pee-Chee.

Teemu Selanne Bobbing Head

#BH15 - Teemu Selanne

98-99 Collector's Choice Bobbing Head
(back)

Bobble heads don't float my boat, but I definitely appreciate cards that have to be destroyed to be enjoyed. Cards like these are a nice little 'fuck you' to what is really a stupid hobby where value is based on how sharp a card's corners are (as well as artificial demand created by the extremely limited production runs of cards like the ugly Sidney Crosby rookie card in this article).

I'm happy to say that this Selanne bobble head card just went up in value by as much as 3/100000ths of a cent because here's what it looks like when it's all put together-- kind of pathetic. Maybe if a few thousand more people pull their Selanne bobble cards out of their industrial strength protective plastic cases, in a few decades it might be worth something.

95-96 Collector's Choice - You Crash the Game

I remember these inserts being really exciting back when they first came out. If the player scored on the date listed on the front of the card, you could send it in (with $3 postage) and get the full 30 card You Crash the Game redemption set. The set had the same photos and design as the cards you sent in, but instead of the ugly purple and teal border, the redemption cards had either silver or gold foil bars that said "Silver Set" or "Gold Set" really large so that you knew what colour it was. In addition to the 30 card set, you got two bonus cards which were the same as the regular card, except the background was tinted gold and the bar on the left side of the card said "Bonus Card" so that you knew that it was not part of the regular set.

The backs of the cards were a little different, the redemption cards (the ones you sent in) just had the contest rules and skill-testing question, while the redemption set (the cards you got back) had a very poorly thought out double spaced blurb about the player. The silver, gold, and bonus cards all had the exact same backs.

I probably should have just kept the winning cards I pulled from the packs and saved myself the postage; the full 30 card You Crash the Game Set recently did not get a single bid at $3.99 on eBay.

95-96 Upper Deck Collector's Choice

The foil lettering and full-bleed photos on 95-96 Upper Deck cards meant that regular Upper Deck was out of my price range, so I collected the second best Upper Deck set. 95-96 Collector's Choice is actually more like the Upper Deck sets of the early-90's than the regular Upper Deck set: it has a simple white and gray border and action photos on both the front and back. The size of the photo of on the back depends on how long the player had been playing in the NHL: since Blaine Lacher had just finished his rookie season, you get to see a nice large photo of him doing the splits in his boxer shorts, but since Gretzky had just finished his 16th NHL season, you only get to see a thumbnail sized photo. For some the cards it is hard to understand why they chose to put the less exciting photo on the front when they have pretty awesome photos on the back.

Since the regular Upper Deck set already included all the World Junior Championship player cards, and you couldn't have a set in the mid-90's without some kind of international junior tournament, Collector's Choice made cards for the European Junior Championships, a tournament that no one in North American had noticed before or has cared about since. The set only includes the Finnish and Swedish teams, but even with two of the stronger European hockey countries, there are very few notable players, with Vesa Toskala probably the best of the bunch. The set finished off with some ugly 'What's Your Game?' cards that explain to the lay-hockey fan the roles of various players such as scorers and grinders.

Five of my favorites:

#8 - Gary Suter - It always looks like Suter's face is melting off.

#168 - Keith Tkachuk - Kirk McLean is obviously making another highlight reel save.

#281 - Brent Gretzky - Tampa Bay was a pretty terrible team for its first few years in the league, but at least they knew how to get some easy publicity: first they put Manon Rheaume in net for a few minutes in a couple of pre-season games, then they drafted Wayne's lesser brother, Brent.

#129 - Brett Lindros - Doesn't this photo just warm your heart?

#326 - Mikko Markkanen - I can't figure out why a player would have a duffel bag on the ice at any time for any reason.